Research-backed tips for more satisfying relationships: A summary of study findings on successful non-monogamy and how monogamous couples can learn from them

Many people believe that monogamy is the most reliable path to a loving, long-lasting relationship. If you were raised in a culture that assumes monogamy is the “natural” and “right” way (this is called mononormativity), you may hear about non-monogamy and immediately assume it’s cheating. (Flash back to Beyoncé destroying that fire hydrant in Lemonade.)

Regardless of your associations with the idea of non-monogamy, or what you think of Beyoncé’s choice to stay with her husband, consensual non-monogamy (CNM) is an umbrella term that refers to valid relationship orientations that more and more couples are exploring. As a somatic sex and relationship therapist, I’ve seen the number of people in CNM relationships dramatically increase over nearly a decade of working with couples.

As consensual non-monogamy grows in popularity, new research is focused on the ways that CNM folks can improve their connection and relationship fulfillment. Even if you’re monogamous, these approaches can help your relationship! 

In this article, I will get into all the details of a recent research study, summarizing my understanding of the findings, based on my own years of experience counseling both non-monogamous and monogamous couples.

Whether you are monogamous, non-monogamous, or something in-between, I’ll give you some practical tips to explore with your partner(s).

Recent Research Study Review: “How do people maintain consensual non-monogamy?”

I’m focusing today on a scholarly research article published in October of 2025 called, “How do people maintain consensual non-monogamy? An international development and validation of the Multiple Relationships Maintenance Scale (MRMS)”. 

Basically, the study tries to understand what helps people to feel fulfilled and connected in relationships, especially in CNM relationships. Over three years, thirty-four researchers worked together to understand what people say they do to reduce conflict in their relationships (all people, including monogamous and non-monogamous folks), and then tested that by turning it into a highly evidence-backed quiz (the MRMS) to see whether doing those things in relationships actually created less conflict and more satisfaction. 

Spoiler alert: there was a lot less conflict and more satisfaction!

Disclaimer, because understanding the science of relationship research is important: this is correlation, not causation, which means that the things that people say they do to reduce conflict are happening at the same time as relationship satisfaction, BUT we can’t say for sure that relationship satisfaction is caused by the things people say they do to reduce conflict. It’s like saying that thunder causes rain because it’s happening at the same time. Unless we do more research and really understand what’s causing rain, all we can say is that they are happening at the same time. For our purposes, correlation is a great start, though.

Let’s get into what the researchers identified as the best practices for satisfaction in consensual non-monogamy – and what monogamous people can learn from it, too!

Best practices for making consensual non-monogamy work

The researchers talked with over 400 people from multiple countries across the world, all of them having some CNM relationship experience. From this, they developed nine categories of best practices for consensual non-monogamy and tested them with over 4,000 people internationally to see if the strategies were correlated to relationship satisfaction. 

Emotional and sexual satisfaction in non-monogamous relationships

First, the two practices that were associated with higher satisfaction across the board, including both emotional and sexual satisfaction: healthy jealousy skills and sharing non-monogamous sexual experiences with each other.

Healthy jealousy skills

“Jealousy regulation”, or how people skillfully manage their jealousy (not avoid it, or prevent it from arising, but manage it healthily as an emotion) was related to higher relationship quality in almost all areas they measured, like satisfaction, commitment, intimacy, and love. Jealousy is not the problem! How we deal with it matters. A lot.

Sharing non-monogamous sexual desires

“Shared extra-pair sexual experiences” is the official term – extra-pair just means outside of two people, so this is anything sexual outside of a pair of people. The research found that sharing sexual fantasies with a partner, even if the fantasies include someone else, as well as including a partner in sexual experiences with someone else (like a threesome), were also related to higher scores in almost all areas. I’m not saying that more threesomes create more satisfaction, more commitment, more intimacy, and more love… but for CNM folks, this research does show that they seem to be correlated.

Emotional intimacy and satisfaction in non-monogamous partnerships

Next, they found four more practices that were related to the emotional side of relationships. You can think of this as things like emotional investment, trust, feelings of nurturance, satisfaction, and commitment:

Attraction disclosure

Yes, this is talking about your attractions with your partner! Communication about when people felt attraction for someone else appeared to be a key component in CNM relationship skills. This was an especially uncommon practice for monogamous couples (this is not a surprise), but when monogamous couples did talk more openly about their attractions with each other, they also rated higher relationship satisfaction.

Childcare willingness

Being willing to help out with caring for a partner’s child, even if that child was from a different relationship. This was not always common, meaning that plenty of CNM people didn’t do this, or didn’t want to do it. However, when they did offer to babysit or drive their partner’s kiddo to practice, emotional satisfaction in the relationship was also rated more highly.

Hierarchy

Quick definition: Relationship hierarchy is when partners agree that their relationship is more important than other relationships – monogamous partners do this as the status quo, while CNM partners may choose to have a primary partner, who may be more interdependent and committed, as well as secondary partners, who may enjoy more independence and less commitment in the relationship. 

This finding is an interesting one, because it showed that the majority of CNM people included in the study practiced hierarchical non-monogamy, and it was related to emotional satisfaction. However, the study raises an important point that this is likely only true for people who want a hierarchy. 

I know plenty of folks who prefer non-hierarchical non-monogamy, sometimes called kitchen-table poly (imagine a bunch of partners sitting together around the kitchen table). For those people who prefer kitchen-table style, or another kind of non-hierarchical CNM, it probably wouldn’t be very emotionally satisfying to be in a hierarchy. Consent is key here!

Resource distribution

Love may be a limitless resource, but time, attention, and money are limited resources, and they matter in relationships. When people actively considered how resources like time were distributed between their partners, the relationships did better. This tracks with what I see in my clients – communication and clear boundaries around time, energy, money, and attention are crucial skills for CNM relationships and for monogamous couples, too.

Not hiding it from others

They found that hiding and secrecy about non-monogamous relationships (they called it “reputation management”) was related to the most dissatisfaction. It’s unclear if this is a chicken or egg situation, but either way, if people were hiding their relationship, they didn’t seem to be enjoying it very much.

The last two practices studied were less clear-cut in their connection to relationship satisfaction, so I won’t spend time discussing them here. For those who are curious, they are compersion (enjoying seeing your partner’s happiness with other partners) and sexual health practices (like condom use and STI testing). Both of these are important aspects to consider if you are exploring non-monogamy, they just don’t show a clear statistical correlation to the satisfaction measures included in the study.

What monogamous couples can learn from non-monogamous relationship practices

It might surprise you that most of these nine practices were related to relationship quality in both monogamous and CNM relationships. The researchers guessed (and I agree) that it could be because monogamous couples generally benefit from talking more openly about desires and feelings that could threaten their relationship agreements, especially if feeling safe enough to communicate with each other openly helps them avoid infidelity.

As a couples therapist for both monogamous and CNM folks, I see there are many ways monogamous couples can learn from their non-monogamous friends:

• Being intentional in your conversations about needs and consent. 

• Building clear agreements (no assumptions!) about exclusivity, intimacy, and friendships. 

• Making space for autonomy and independence in the relationship, so you can reconnect as your full selves when you come back together.

• Talking more openly about the feelings you have about sexuality, desire, and fantasies. 

Are there any of these you’d like to do more of? What would you add to the list?

Build the intimacy and connection you want in your relationship

Whatever your relationship style, I’m so glad that there is quality, evidence-based research being done to help deepen your connection. Relationship satisfaction is built from our everyday choices and intentional practices, within any structure, regardless of how many people are involved. 

I hope that you reflect on the practices you’re already using in your relationship, and then experiment with the ones you’d like to borrow from the research. Your relationships are worth it!

If you’d like more support with any of this, please feel free to reach out to me.

Whether you want to open up your communication within a monogamous partnership, find more security and satisfaction in your non-monogamous relationships, or maybe explore transitioning from monogamy to some form of consensual non-monogamy – I am experienced and passionate about helping people find the intimacy and connection they want and I can help you navigate any challenges along the way.